Takes the Cake (to the Trashcan)

Tonight I envisioned my triumphant return to the blogosphere. I felt rested and energized. I decided to bake a cake. Not just any cake, but a glorious s’mores cake in my heart-shaped Bundt pan. I pictured it sitting prettily on top of my pink cake stand, all ready for Valentine’s Day.

My mom bought me a ($19!) s’mores Bundt cake mix from Williams-Sonoma at Christmas. I’ve been the recipient of many of these fancy Williams-Sonoma cake mixes over the years and honestly, they NEVER turn out good. Sometimes they call for ingredients that you don’t usually have stocked in your kitchen (e.g., buttermilk). And sometimes the prep is just really more complex than I want to commit to when making a cake from a box.

This mix required ingredients that I did have (eggs, milk and butter). The prep required whipping up a batch of marshmallow cream, which was easy-breezy considering I am an accomplished marshmallow maker. Mixing up the rest of the ingredients was no big deal either. But after that I had to spread batter in the bottom of the pan, making sure to coat the walls of the pan with batter at least half of the way up. OK – No problem. Then I had to create a well for the marshmallow and spread it evenly, guaranteeing that NO MARSHMALLOW TOUCH THE PAN WHATSOEVER. After breaking out in a sweat while meticulously spooning the marshmallow into its well, I had to cover it with the rest of the cake batter. And then all that rebellious marshmallow wanted to do was jump around and try to touch the walls of the pan when it was getting covered! Because of my patience and careful work, tragedy was averted and everything made it into the pan in the appropriate fashion.

That stuff needed to cook for over an hour. I sat, watching last night’s “The O.C.,” salivating over how delicious this s’mores cake with REAL MARSHMALLOW FILLING was going to be. When the time came to get the cake out of the oven, I read the box: “Let the cake cool upright in the pan for exactly 5 minutes. Tap the pan gently on a work surface to loosen the cake. Invert the pan onto a rack and lift off the pan …”

“Hmm …,” I thought. “Only five minutes of cooling time? Well, those fancy Williams-Sonoma chefs must know what they’re talking about.” The pan was still burning hot after five minutes, so I used my better judgment and let it sit for five more. But then I realized that the professionals who wrote the directions must know what’s up, so I inverted the pan. Half the stupid cake stayed in it, and the rest kind of crumbled onto the plate. Eh … the cake didn’t even taste good at all. The marshmallow wasn’t gooey like I expected, but kind of like angel food cake. The rest was just dense and dry with chocolate chips sprinkled in.

Now, I am a friend to all cakes, but I wasn’t at all interested in even munching on the fallen pieces of this one. What a total waste of time and $19.